Strange Happenings in the Blue Mansion
by Pokegirl
Summary: One day Remus and Sirius show up in a hot pink sports car and take Harry to live with them.When they go to Hogwarts Snape's weird mind makes him believe strange things(nasty too)Please R & R ^_^Sorry its been awhile I'll update more often!!!!
1. DANCE DANCE DANCE

Strange Happenings in the Blue Manson  
  
Hello,This is my first HP fic so tell me how I'm doing when your done reading this chapter.  
  
I am pretty much wrecking the whole plot after POA so this takes place in the summer before Harry's 4th year.  
  
*'s mark thoughts  
  
Here it is.^_^  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
~CHAPTER 1~  
  
(It is August first and Harry has one month to go intill he goes back to Hogwarts.He has been keeping in touch with his god father,Sirius Black,by owl.He has been pondering his latest letter all day.)  
  
The letter read:  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
Don't worry.The rats died from the rat poison,the only damage that was done was to a green pair of boxer shorts used as curtains.  
  
To pass the time I play Wizard's Chess with rocks.Guess what!!!!I haven't lost a game yet!!!!I must be really good!!!!  
  
I better get to the point,huh?  
  
I have good news!!!!I've met up with Remus and he's comeing back to Hogwarts!!!!That's not the only good news but you'll have to wait and see!!!!  
  
Good luck with the ant traps,  
  
Sirius  
  
Harry:*It's great that Prof. Lupin is comeing back to Hogwarts but what did Sirius mean by "That's not the only good news" and HOW THE HECK DO I SET UP THIS "ANT BE GONE" SHIT!!!!*  
  
(You heard laughing from the kitchen,Dudley has came back from a dieting camp and Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were throwing him a party and he invited all his "friends"who just came because Uncle Vernon is paying them.)  
  
(In the distance you can hear Mexican party music comeing nearer and nearer.)  
  
(And now you can hear it at full volume.)  
  
(Harry runs to the door and sure enough the music was comeing from a hot pink sports car that is now parked in the Dursley's driveway.)  
  
Uncle Vernon:Who the heck is out there!!!!(runs to where Harry is standing)  
  
(Uncle Vernon runs outside shortly followed by Harry.)  
  
(The door opens and to Harry's suprize Sirius and Remus come out.Sirius looking extremely hyper active holding a pair of maracas dressed in brightly colored robes and Remus looking extremly abushed holding a container of Asprin and dressed in robes that matches Sirius's.)  
  
Sirius:I'm so glad to see you!!!!(runs and hugs harry almost smashing him.)  
  
Uncle Vernon(UV):Who are you!!!!  
  
Sirius:Oh hello,I'm Sirius Black,Harry's god father.You know,the murderer!!!!  
  
UV:(face turns to fear)  
  
Remus:(is trying hard not to laugh)  
  
(Aunt Petunia comes out.)  
  
Aunt Petunia(AP):Who are they.  
  
Sirius:I'm Sirius Black,and he's Remus Lupin.We're James' old school chums.  
  
(Sirius and Remus do a "secret handshake")  
  
Sirius:And we're here.Remember.Sign the paper.(Take's out a pen and a piece of that looks like a contract of some kind.)  
  
(UV and AP sign it with fear.)  
  
Harry:What's that?  
  
Remus:(sounding very tired out.)It's a paper that says that it is offical that you are in Sirius's and I's custidy.  
  
Harry:Both of you?  
  
Remus:Since Sirius is a murder(flips fingers) it was nessessary by law to have two guardians.  
  
Harry:That's great!!!!!!So I'm comeing with you?  
  
Remus:Of course.  
  
(Harry jumps up and down shouting hooray.)  
  
AP:Where did that murderer guy go?  
  
(you see that Sirius is no longer there)  
  
(Dudley's "friends" run out of the house screaming.)  
  
(Sirius walks out with all of Harry's things floating in the air.Sirius amazeing fits all of Harry's things in the sports car's trunk.)  
  
Sirius:(excitied)Harry we're going to have so much fun.I can teach you the Salsa!!!!(puts on one of those huge Mexican hats and starts wiggling around shakeing his Maracas)  
  
(Remus hides his face in his hands.)  
  
Sirius:(still danceing)AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAA REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Remus:Please stop it Sirius!!!!!!!!!!You've embrassed me enough this week!!!!!!  
  
Sirius:(keeps danceing)  
  
Remus:(to Harry)He's been staying in my house all Summer.He was bored so I signed him up for Salsa lessons...............................................................Big mistake.  
  
Sirius:(still danceing)WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AHHHHHHHHHHHHH EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!(The whole neighborhood is stareing now.)  
  
Remus:(humiliated)Let's go please.(drags Sirius in the car.)  
  
(Harry quickly steps inside the sports car and they are off.)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
(in the car.)  
  
Harry:I didn't know wizards have cars.  
  
Remus:Some do,I thought getting this car would be useful.  
  
Sirius:We originaly got it for a marshmellow eating contest!!!!!  
  
Remus:How can I forget that.  
  
Sirius:I won.  
  
Remus:He drives me nuts but for some strange reason I never get sick of him.  
  
Sirius:(blush)  
  
(after 2 hours of discussing the best brands of marshmellows they arive at a huge 6 story manson.)  
  
Harry:WOW!!!!!!!!!YOU LIVE HERE!!!!!!!  
  
Remus:Yes.  
  
Sirius:And it's ant free so you don't have to worry about putting up ant traps.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
(in the house.)  
  
Sirius:Hey Harry!!!!!!Let's go in the pool!!!!!!!  
  
Harry:Okay.  
  
(drags Harry up the stairs.)  
  
Remus:(shakes head smileing)(follows them)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
(in pool.)  
  
(Harry and Remus are by the side watching Sirius going up the high dive.)  
  
Remus:You only have been here for a couple minutes and your owl is already flirting with my owl.(points to Hedwig who's fluttering around a brown owl.)  
  
(Sirius is on the high dive looking afraid.)  
  
Sirius:HELP!!!!!IT'S HIGH UP HERE!!!!!!REMMY GET ME DOWN!!!!!!  
  
(Remus climbs up to the high dive,gets on Sirius's back and forces Sirius to jump.)  
  
(SPLASH)  
  
(Remus swims to the edge carring Sirius's swiming trunks.)  
  
(Sirius steps out the pool not relizeing he's no longer with his trunks.)  
  
Harry and Remus:(Start cracking up)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
(Sirius,Harry,and Remus stay up deep in the night planning a big marsmellow eating contest.)  
  
Okay short chapter,but I promise the story will get better it's just the begining just wait intill Harry goes to Hogwarts^_^!!!!LATER 


	2. Pretty Pink Scarfs

Hello and welcome back to Strange Happenings in the Blue Mansion.Thank you to everyone that reviewed.So here's chapter 2!!!!^_^  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
~CHAPTER 2~  
  
(It's 11 a.m. and there is a marshmellow eating contest in progress.)  
  
Sirius and Harry:EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT!!!!!!!  
  
Sirius:Come on Remus!!!!!Only 93 more to go!!!!!  
  
Remus:(mouth is too full but it sounds like a groan)  
  
Sirius:92!!!!Only 92 more to go!!!!  
  
(Hedwig comes in carrying a letter.)  
  
Harry:Yes it's here!!!!!!!  
  
Sirius:What is?  
  
Harry:My order of grapefruit.  
  
Sirius:..................................................................... ................  
  
Harry:It's for homework,I need it for a potion.  
  
Sirius:Oh.  
  
Harry:We should pick it up before it blows up.  
  
Sirius:We can pick up your school supplies too.  
  
Harry:Sure.  
  
Remus:(says something but his mouth is too full.)  
  
Sirius:What's that Remmy?You want to dance the samba all the way there!!!Okay!!!(runs and get's a boombox as music blows the curtains 5 miles away)  
  
Remus:*I just ironed those!!!!*  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
(Some robe store)  
  
(They walk in)  
  
Harry:Look there's Hermione and Ron!!!(runs up to them excitedly)  
  
Sirius:(shaking his head to Remus)Kids. So innocent and naive. (pauses) OH MY GOD!!!!!!AN ICE CREAM MAN!!!!!!!!(runs out the door carrying some change)  
  
Remus:(shakes head amused.)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------  
  
(Ron,Harry,Hermione.)  
  
Ron:And that's how I got trapped in the pickle garden.  
  
Harry:@.@ Whoa............  
  
Hermione:That's tragic...that's how my grandma lost her ear ring set(batts tears away with handkercheif)  
  
(Three owls flutter bye one is Remus's owl that seems to be getting it on with Hermione's owl and Hedwig following them jealously.)  
  
Hermione:(looking at the owls) If this keeps going on my owl is going to get pregnate.  
  
Ron:(sigh)Not again.I swear it probley wasn't a good idea for you to get that owl.  
  
Hermione:And I don't want it to squirt eggs over my illegal grapefruit laboratory again.The babies where all over my hair.And I just brought it inside.(pats hair)  
  
Harry:Who was the father?  
  
Hermione:That owl that brought the letter from Remus that explained to me never to leave blue paper in the sun.  
  
(A crash is heard in the background.)  
  
Ron:(shudders at the thought of someone leaving bluepaper in the sun.)  
  
Hermione:I did it the other day anyway and the mailman was destroyed.We hid his ashes in the garden shed.  
  
Ron:A mailman explotion AGAIN!!!!!(looks down)  
  
Harry:(shakes head)That's just sad........  
  
Hermione:(nods)(sniff)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---  
  
(Severus Snape happened to be listiening to what they where saying.Sadly he did not hear correctly because the pink robes he was hiding in where covering his ears.)  
  
(What Snape "heard".)  
  
(The owls fly by but a sleeve covers them from Snape's view.)  
  
Hermione:If this keeps going on I'm going to get pregnate.  
  
Snape:*What?!?What posisibly could be going on in Potter's little group?Perhaps I can get them expelled!!!*  
  
Ron:(sigh)Not again.I swear it probley wasn't a good idea for you to get it on.  
  
Hermione:And I don't want to squirt babies all over my hair,again!!!!I just brought it inside.(pats hair)  
  
Snape:*!!!!!!!*  
  
Harry:Who was the father?  
  
Hermione:That howl,Remus-  
  
Snape:*Miss Granger and that freak werewolf.This is very juicy!!!!I can't believe it!!!!Maybe I can tell Dumbledore...no.I need more evidence he's alway on the side of the freaks.I will get them this year oh yes I will!!!!!Severus you are so clever. Oh, thank you for the complement Severus!!!!*  
  
(Snape is admiring his "genus" and steps backwards and slips on the robe rack and falls down with the whole thing with a big SLAM)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
(Back with Remus and Sirius)  
  
(They are standing outside and Sirius is licking a huge ice cream cone.)  
  
(Snape runs out of store with a pink scarf stuck in his hair.)  
  
Snape:(slams against Remus who almost falls over but is caught by Sirius.)  
  
Sirius:JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!!!!  
  
Snape:I just got access of some very interesting information that would maybe cause an uproar among the Hogwarts student population.  
  
Remus:(gasp)  
  
Snape:(chuckles cruely and walks off with the pink scarf flying in the wind)  
  
Remus:He found out about my bagel making method.The one where I add extra milk.  
  
Sirius:What a jerk!!!!!Next time I outta deck him!!!!  
  
Remus:Sirius,I'm okay now you can let go of me.  
  
Sirius:No, I can't.  
  
Remus:(blush)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------  
  
(Back at the mansion after a long day of running from evil books-er school shopping yes.......)  
  
(They invited Ron and Hermione for dinner .)  
  
(At the table)  
  
Sirius:Oh I forgot to tell you I too will teach at Hogwarts this year.  
  
Hermione:Huh???Aren't you on the run.  
  
Sirius:Not anymore.This morning they found Pettigrew hidden in a mass of evil cheerleaders.  
  
Harry:Oh good!!!!!  
  
Remus:And they found Voldemort nearby doing the macarina.  
  
Ron:No way!!!!  
  
(Sirius is dancing the macarina in the background.)  
  
Remus:They are going to give them the most horrible,grueling punishment.It's even worse than the Dementor's Kiss.  
  
Hermione:What is it!!!!!  
  
Remus:Being locked in a room for eternty with Big Bird, Barney, and..............................ELMO!!!!  
  
Sirius:(stops dancing and shutters when Remus says "Elmo")  
  
Harry:Those creeps deserve it!!!!!!  
  
Everyone:YEAH!!!!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------- (They pack up their stuff the next morning and head for the train on the way to their next year of Hogwarts.)  
  
(On the train.)  
  
(Remus and Sirius)  
  
Sirius:(sounding like he had too much coffee.)Are we there yet?  
  
Remus:(looks up from book calmly)No,not quite.  
  
Sirius:Are we there yet?!?!?!  
  
Remus:No,not quite.  
  
Sirius:Are we there yet!!!!!  
  
Remus:No,not quite.  
  
Sirius:ARE WE THERE YET?????????  
  
Remus:No,not quite.  
  
Sirius:ARE WE THERE YET!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Remus:No,not quite.  
  
Sirius:ARE WE THERE YET!!!!!!  
  
Remus:No,not quite.  
  
Sirius:Oh, well how far are we,Remmy???I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!  
  
Remus:Actually the train hasn't even started moving yet.  
  
Sirius:Oh...............Okay ^_^!!!!!!  
  
Remus:^_^()  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
(Harry,Ron,and Hermione.)  
  
(They are disgusing the pros and cons of brewing carrots in black cauldrons.)  
  
Ron:Pink would be a happier color.That's the color I used to make more HAPPY juice!!!!(laughs insanely and runs into a random seating area.)  
  
Hermione:(shuts the door with a slam)Anyway I think black is an okay color mostly because it's carrots NOT turnips don't make that mistake.  
  
Harry:(shakes head quietly)No,never.........  
  
(Hermione's owl flys in looking drunk.As a trolley randomly scoots in the room.)  
  
Harry:What's wrong with your owl?  
  
Hermione:It was out partying again.  
  
Harry:WHAT!?!?!?!?!  
  
Hermione:I think it was with Remus's owl.  
  
Harry:No wonder Hedwig has been jealous lately.  
  
Hermione:I pretty sure it's pregnate now,I'm positive.I've seen Remus's owl smoking some "It's a Boy" cigars.  
  
Harry:Okay......*I sure hope it's not normal for owls to act this way I better keep an eye on Hedwig!!!*  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------- (Snape (once again) was listiening in,this time he was hiding under the trolley.The long cloth covering it again made him unable hear the coversation properly.)  
  
(What Snape "heard" )  
  
Snape:*What's this?Potter and Granger are having a little "one on one" let's see...*  
  
(the owl flys in and is covered from Snape's view by the cloth)  
  
Harry:What's wrong with your hole?  
  
Snape:*Well,well I walked in on the juicey part didn't I?Or rolled in?Oh Severus you're so funny you should go in stand up!*  
  
Hemione:I was out partying again.  
  
Harry:WHAT!?!?!?!?!  
  
Hermione:I think I was with Remus-  
  
Snape:*My, the little Gryffindors' lives are getting very intense.*  
  
Hermione:I'm pretty sure I'm pregnate now.I'm positive.  
  
Snape:(gasp)*I can't belive it.Or can I?It's not like I didn't expect it.Oh yeah!!!I could sell this to Rita Skeeter for millions!!!I can see the headline. 14 year old Hogwarts student get's pregnate with 34 year old werewolf.HA HA HA!!!Of course I need more dirt.He he.........*  
  
(The person that was pushing the cart comes up to it confused and starts pushing it causing Snape to go crashing around as it rolls down the train halls.)  
  
Snape:OW!!OW!!!MOMMY!!!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------  
  
(It's far into the trip and Hogwarts is a few minutes away.)  
  
(Remus and Sirius)  
  
(Remus has fallen asleep on Sirius's shoulder,it dosn't look like an earthquake can wake him,and Sirius is completely sucked into the book Remus was eating earlier.)  
  
Sirius:(reading book)(sob)NO EDNA,DON'T MARRY HIM!Max was true to you all the way...(sobs more)  
  
Remus:(wakes up)Oh Sirius you got sucked into my romance novel.(chuckles)I thought you wanted to show the world your "tough guy attitude".  
  
Sirius:(still sobbing)But Jack was the one who ruined her brothers pie!WHY DIDN'T HE TELL HER BEFORE HE ASKED HER TO MARRY HIM!!!  
  
Remus:(starting to cry)I know!!!!It's so sad!!!  
  
(They hug each other sobbing loudly.)  
  
(Snape is standing by the door watching the scene.)  
  
Snape:*Aha,poor Lupin found out the cons of his "fun" with little girls.Ha Ha.Severus:1 Lupin: 69999?????WHERE DID THAT NUMBER COME FROM!!!!!!Oh.........WELL I'LL BEAT HIM YET!!!!!I WILL!!!!!!*  
  
(Snape laughs insanely and Sirius and Remus stop sobbing and stand there staring at him.)  
  
Snape:WHA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA AHA AHAHAHAHAHAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (cough) HA HA HA HA HA HA HA-  
  
Remus:-.-()  
  
Sirius:@.@  
  
Snape:(stops laughing and glares at Remus and Sirius.)  
  
Sirius:What's your problem?Did you pull up your freaky puke pants too high?  
  
Snape:Very nice comeback,but you must step aside for I have some questions for your friend over there.(looks at Remus)  
  
Sirius:(getting angry)If you mess with my Remus you mess with me!  
  
Snape:(ignoring Sirius)Lupin,freak werewolf,whatever you are.What have you been up to lately.  
  
Remus:*Oh my gosh.My cooking secrets!The jam!!!The onions......Oh no.*  
  
Sirius:(furious)LISTIEN YOU UGLY GREASY CREEP!!!YOU BETTER WATCH IT OR SOME MAYONASE MIGHT FIND IT'S WAY BACK IN TO YOUR TRACKTOR TIRES!!!!!!!!GET OUT!!!!!  
  
Snape:(nervous)*But the tractor will crash!!!*Lupin one day your little "groupie" will go to a vending machine and leave you 5 feet away.I'll find you then.AND FOR YOU BLACK-  
  
(Sirius has tossed Snape out of the window and he is caught on one of the train wheels by his freaky black robes.)  
  
Snape:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-(Remus shuts window) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------  
  
(a few minutes later they arrive)  
  
(They approach the castle it the water by it looks very mudly,it is raining very hard,and the sky looks menacing)  
  
Sirius:(tears are filling eyes)(touched)It's the most amazing thing I have ever seen.  
  
Remus:Not for me.The most amazing thing I've ever seen is the man I'm looking at now.  
  
Sirius:(kisses Remus on the cheek and then hugs him.)  
  
Dumbledore:I don't mean to interupt but everyone has left the train 30 minutes ago.  
  
Remus and Sirius:????????????????????????????????????  
  
Dumbledore:You better get a move on.The eggplants are starting to arrive.(points to some eggplants that are walking somehow near the train.They are holding little suitcases.)  
  
Sirius:(gasp)(grabs Remus's hand and starts running away quickly.)  
  
Dumbledore:I'm always prepared unlike those wacky lovebirds.I'm prepare for the eggplants 3 months ahead of time.(stands there proud for a second.)  
  
(An eggplant climbs up his sleeve and cackles evily.)  
  
Dumbledore:What???NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- Man my breath stinks(pops in a breath mint) (clears throat) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO  
  
(everything goes black)  
  
DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!  
  
_______________________________________________________________________ End of chapter 2.Please Review and stay tuned for next chapter ^_^ Just watch out for eggplants!!!!!!!!!!!!^_^ 


	3. Pastry Oven Party

Welcome back Strange Happenings in the Blue Mansion!!!!Thank you once more to all the reviewers.Now enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!^_^ _______________________________________________________________________  
  
~CHAPTER 3~  
  
(It's the first day of Hogwarts and everyone is pumped up.Dumbledore has gone missing,but nobody noticed.)  
  
(Harry and Ron are on their way to Divination,groaning.)  
  
Harry:I wonder how many times I'll die this year.  
  
(They enter the classroom.)  
  
(The classroom looks different,It's painted orange and there are big stereos around the room and it has crazy paintings on the walls.)  
  
Sirius:(pops up behind them startling them)HI HARRY!!!!  
  
Harry:WHA!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ron:MUSHROOMS!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Sirius:I'm the new Divination teacher!!!!!!!  
  
Harry:What?!?What happend to Proffesor Trelawney?  
  
Sirius:I think she blew away.  
  
Ron:Oh.................COOL!!!!!  
  
(Everyone get's seated and class starts.)  
  
Sirius:I am your new Divination proffesor,Proffesor Black.....No that dosn't sound hip enough.......Just call me Sirius!!!!!!(smiles stupidly)  
  
Harry:Sirius,do you even know what Divination is?  
  
Sirius:(get's quiet)Actually no.........Is it where you make cheese???No that's Herbology.Oh well!!!!I'll just teach you guys wild and exotic dances!!!WOOOOOOOOO!!!!(get's maracas out and shakes them a couple times)  
  
Ron:(looks at Harry)Oh boy.  
  
Harry:Hey,at least it's better than Divination.  
  
Ron:Yeah you're right!!!!!  
  
Sirius:I have no lesson plans or anything so for today we can just dance the Macarina.(turns on stereo)  
  
Everyone:HEY MACARINA!!!!!  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
(DADA)  
  
(Remus enters the room grinning.)  
  
Remus:Good Morning.This year we will be studying ways to protect our selves from evil.With the recent events of the Eggplant Liberation Act we must be careful.  
  
(Sirius runs in.)  
  
Sirius:REMUS!!!!I WON THE BIG DANCE OFF.  
  
Remus:(smiles)Well done Padfoot.(claps)  
  
Hermione:(to Harry and Ron)I don't get how he can be so patient with Sirius.  
  
Sirius:(still talking to Remus)And then I tied my shoe ALL BY MYSELF.  
  
Remus:Splendid!!We can talk about it more over bagels.  
  
Sirius:OH YEAH!!!!!I have a class.Bye!!!(skips off grinning)  
  
Remus:(shakes head amused)Anyway we must be able to keep our eyes peeled for eggplant attacks.  
  
Hermione:AND MITTENS!!!!  
  
Remus:(grins)And mittens.  
  
(Remus leaves the room for a second and brings in a big cage figure that's covered with a blue cloth.)  
  
(He takes off the cloth to reveal a big bluish-white bird.)  
  
Harry:Is it a phoenix?  
  
Remus:No,but it is related to it.  
  
Hermione:(hand shoots in the air like a bullet)It's a cass,or Gvanocassa Dvoneo,which brings peace and ease wherever it goes.  
  
Remus:Very good,10 points to Gryffindor.  
  
Hermione:(grins pleased with herself)  
  
Remus:Yes,we will be studying the magical powers of the cass and how it can help us.It's very difficult to properly care for so I will be taking volenteers to help me care for it every evening.  
  
(Almost everyone's hand goes up)  
  
Remus:(smiles while starting to write everyone's names on a very long list)  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
(Potions)  
  
(Everyone enters the class to see Snape dancing with a broom.)  
  
Malfoy:Proffesor?What are you doing?  
  
Snape:(realizes he's being watched and jumps in shock)  
  
(The Gryffindors try to hold back their laughter but can't when Sirius comes in.)  
  
Sirius:I see that your potions master could use some of my "Divination" lessons.Of course I don't think you could find a partner.  
  
Gryffindors:HA HA HA HA HA HA A HAAH AH HA H H HA AAA A H AH H HH HA HA H AH AH HA HA HA-  
  
Slytherins:(holding back chuckles)  
  
Snape:*Oh damn Black.....how I am going to get myself out of this one?Do you think they'll find out my secret passion for ballet and figure skating.Oh my god.Oh my god.Wait....Yes I know!*  
  
Sirius:^.^  
  
Snape:At least if I got a partner it would be a woman.  
  
Sirius:Nice try^_^.Sorry Snape but everyone knows I'm gay and I'm not ashamed of it.I love my Remmy with all my heart.Anyway Snape you said IF you got a partner.Maybe you should stick with your broomstick.Hey!That rhymed.Wait........no.Oh well!!!^_^  
  
Snape:(hands are clutched in rage and face is redded with both anger and humilation.)BLACK!!!!GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM NOW!!!!!!  
  
Sirius:(amused)Whoa,somebodys pepped up today.You and your broom might want to wind down with a slow song.  
  
Snape:Black,I suggest you keep an eye on what your little boyfriend does.It might get him in trouble.  
  
Sirius:*What the hell is his problem?Extra butter makes donuts taste better and Remus looks cute in his pastry apron.*  
  
Snape:Have nothing to say now?Too speechless?  
  
Sirius:I just realized how gloomy it is in here.You need to liven things up!(uses wand and turns the rooms walls orange and the floor purple.Then he points his wand at Snape and Snape's robes suddenly turn pink and purple and they seem to be extra flowy)  
  
Snape: !!!!!!  
  
Sirius:(casts a spell again and a rose apears in Snapes mouth)There you go.Dance the night away seniorita!(skips off shaking maracas)  
  
Snape:_(face is redding up with anger)(holding back rage)Class......is.......dismissed....  
  
(everyone runs out as Snape screams a scream of rage that the whole school can hear)  
  
(Harry,Hermione,and Ron stay by Snape's classroom because they're bored and Hermione dropped her stuff on the way out.)  
  
Snape:(screaming loud enough for the whole world to hear)DAMN YOU BLACK!!!!!!!!!!YOU MESSED UP MY BALLET ROUTINE-Oh my God did I just say that?  
  
Harry,Ron,and Hermione:(laughing so hard you think they're going to die)  
  
Snape:(infuriated and humiated at the same down)GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY CLASSROOM!!!!!HOW DARE YOU SPY ON ME!!!!!!!  
  
Hermione:I left my things in your-  
  
Snape:LEAVE NOW!!!!!!!!  
  
(They run away freaked out.)  
  
(Snape notices Hermione's bag)  
  
Snape:Perfect.Just perfect.(grins evily)Maybe I'll find some evidence...  
  
(Opens bag and goes through her papers until he finds a note.)  
  
Memo to self-  
  
Go to Proffesor Lupin' s room after dinner.Bring a rope and a towel to clean up afterwards.  
  
(Of course it was Hermione's turn to help out with the cass but Snape didn't know that and thought they where planning something dirty.)  
  
Snape:Perfect.......WHA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (wheeze)ha ha.........  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
(That evening)  
  
(Hermione walks in)  
  
Remus:Hello Hermione.Now I have to warn you as pretty as it is the cass are very messy.  
  
Hermione:That's okay.  
  
(Remus get's the cass and opens its cage)  
  
(It flys out happy to be out of its cage)  
  
Remus:First we must clean it's feathers.But oh my.The cass likes to be a little menace.We'll have to catch it.  
  
Cass:(chirps mockingly)  
  
Remus:(takes a lunge at it and misses,falling on the floor)  
  
Hermione:Are you okay?  
  
Remus:(gets up)Yes I'm fine.  
  
Hermione:I should of brought a net.Will my rope work?  
  
Remus:Here.(takes rope and lassos the cass and catches it)  
  
Hermione:Wow!  
  
Remus:I have no idea how I did that.Whenever I want to show somebody that I always miss.(Trys it again and gets tangled up in it.)  
  
Hermione:(solemly)The same with me and kites.  
  
Remus and Hermione:(depressed sigh in unison)  
  
Remus:On the bright side I caught the cass!  
  
Hermione:Hurray!!!!  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
(As you might of already guessed Snape was listiening the whole thing, but this time his ears were covered with some of his extra flowy robes. (Which where starting to turn black again)  
  
(What Snape "heard")  
  
Remus:Hello Hermione.Now I have to warn you as pretty as it is my ass is very messy.  
  
Hermione:That's okay.  
  
Snape:(face turns green)That's it......I've heard enough.(Throws up in a bag marked "Slytherin Quidditch Supplies")  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
(2 hours later)  
  
Remus:Thanks for helping Hermione!I'm sorry that it took so long.  
  
Hermione:That's alright!Hey.....What's that smell?  
  
Remus:That's probley Sirius.He likes that smelly cheese and he eats it everywhere.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
(Hermione returns to the Gryffindor common room to find Harry and Ron fuming about something.)  
  
Hermione:What's wrong?  
  
Harry:(upset)Tommorows match with Slytherin was just cancled.  
  
Hermione:Why?  
  
Ron:(irritated)They said that someone was messing with their supplies and stuff and they are "unable to play until our equipment is throughly checked.We must put our safety first but we wish Gryffindor well (NOT). "  
  
Harry:DAMN THOSE DIRTY CHEATERS!!!!!!  
  
Lavender:(runs up to them)Did you hear somebody THREW UP in the Slytherin Quidditch equipment-(looks at Harry's look of rage)Oh.Right then!^_^ (skips off)  
  
Harry:(throws a table out of the window and there is a huge crash.)  
  
Hermione:HARRY!!!!  
  
Ron:Are you mad-Oh wait it's okay!It just hit Snape and some Slytherins!  
  
Hermione:But what happen when Proffesor sees the window!She'll flip!And that table was her "priceless family treasure passed down to me from way back when,when the head of Gryffindor was a Gryffindor.Aways use costers on it!OR I'LL TURN YOU INTO A FROG IN YOUR SLEEP!!!"  
  
Harry:(whimper)YOU HAVE TO HIDE ME!!!  
  
(They dash out of the common room and through the school in an attempt to hide Harry.)  
  
(They end up somehow in Sirius's classroom.)  
  
(Remus and Sirius are both in there and they are talking about "the best bottled water brands to use when you go sking" )  
  
Harry:(panting)You-have-to-hide-me.....  
  
Sirius:(acting important)Say no more Harry!We have the Eggplant gun pumped and ready!  
  
Harry:No Sirius...(they explain the whole sitiuation)  
  
Remus:Well Harry-  
  
Sirius:OH OH!LET'S HIDE HIM IN THE PASTRY OVEN!  
  
(To be countinued)  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Will Harry hide in the oven?Will he do the right thing and tell the truth?Will Remus ever bake pastrys again?Will Snape ever get into the National Ballet Competion-  
  
Snape:HEY!  
  
Then tune in next time and please review.^_^ 


End file.
